Cowardice
One of my MOST favorite Saints is the Polish nun Maria Faustina. Her diary is a most wonderful source of meditation, reading just a few lines of her thoughts is enough to set your mind and heart ablaze! One particular section jumped out at me as I was reading yesterday and I thought I would share it as it ties in so closely to seeking perfection…
My Jesus, despite these graces which You send upon me, I feel that my nature, ennobles thought it be, is not completely stilled; and so I keep a constant watch. I must struggle with many faults, knowing well that it is not the struggle which debases one, but cowardice and failure.
Diary, Notebook V 1340
Here we witness the struggle of Faustina, who at the time of this writing of October 1937, was in the middle of an 8 day retreat. She is full to capacity with peace and quiet, joyful to focus her energies only on loving God and meditating on His great mercies and yet she is not completely stilled. Her soul is still missing something and she attributes this to a lack of perfection in her nature. Is Faustina scrutinizing her fault too severely, perhaps, but her determination is quite evident. She understands the great mercy God bestows on a soul who is walking this path. She links our determination and effort to God and how he loves us for this, and not for our failure. We all fail, perhaps every day, but we must continue on with determination.
Faustina kept a special tally of her Victories and Defeats. Each night when she examined her conscience, she would mark them down. It helped her to recognize the good and the bad, the success and failures and it helped her to walk her path to perfection. Maybe this is not such a bad idea. I think I will examine this more in the future.
In today’s general audience Benedict XVI resumed his catechesis on outstanding figures of the early Church. He said in his homily that
“Sanctity grows in the capacity for conversion and penance.”
We may well keep this in mind.
